Being me

When I was a teenager I remember being very insecure and unsure of who I was and what I was good at. I saw others as being very much better at things than I was and never quite thought I was good enough. I remember being at an SU camp at Blaithwaite in Cumbria and being really scared at having to look after a group of children. How would I be able to answer their questions. Everybody else was so much better at it than I was. During the week the team bible studies were led by the owner of the centre, and I remember one particular day where we were looking at Psalm 139. What was said that day has always stayed at the back of my mind and influenced the way I think and act. What did I learn that day? This: God made us the way He wants us to be and He doesn't makes mistakes. So we were all made the people that we are for a reason. It may take us a while to work out what we are good at, but don't say that God made a mistake when He made you the way you are. That doesn't mean that there aren't things that we need to change, because of course we all sin and need to become more like Jesus and strive to do that day by day. But we all have our personality that is different to everyone else for a reason. Don't try to become like someone else, be who God made you to be.
Why am I thinking of this today? I read this blog which says it so much better than I could!

Taking time

I have been quite busy for the last two weeks. Circumstances meant that instead of working 17.5 hours as I usually do, I had to go to work on Thursday and Friday as well. I know that lots of people do this all the time, but I find it quite hard to have no time in the house during the week.
Today I had a day off. There were lots of things that needed to be done, but I decided to have a slow day. Not that I did nothing. I did lots of little jobs around the house. But I have found that habits of rushing are easy to get in to and hard to stop. I needed to go to the library and nearly jumped into the car to drive there. If I had done this the job would have been finished in 15 minutes. But then I stopped to think. I had an hour before the next thing I needed to do, so I walked. I need to remember to stop and take life a bit more slowly when I can. I need the exercise and it was a lovely sunny day, so I really enjoyed my walk. It is so easy to rush from one thing to the next, but it is better for us to take things a bit slower when we can. Healthier for our bodies and our minds.
It's a good job that I'm at home tomorrow as well, as the housework didn't get finished today. Maybe tomorrow I will get it done!

Life Changes

I hope that this blog post isn't taken the wrong way by anyone. It is not a comment on anyone else's life choices, just a reflection on mine.

It is the September weekend. Today was a holiday and it made me think about previous holidays. Gordon used to work in Greenock and had a different holiday in September. I used to hate this holiday, everybody else used have family days and I was left on my own to entertain 3 children and the weather was usually horrible. The same thing happened in May, but at least the weather was good so we could go to the park.

This led to thoughts of how life has changed. Gordon and I went out for lunch today, with no children. We rarely have anyone else with us now when we go out. My life has changed in a massive way in the last 5 years. I used to be a stay at home mum who also became a childminder because I needed to do some work to increase the household income. But I didn't want to go out to work and leave my children with someone else all day. So I looked after other people's children! I didn't miss the irony in this. I loved being a housewife and looking after my children. But I didn't feel that there was any value in my 'job'. The question most often asked when you meet people for the first time is 'what do you do?' When the answer given is that of housewife or mother, people quickly lose interest. Is it because they think it is a boring thing to do. Or because they can do it and have a 'real' job. Or perhaps because they wish they had the freedom to do it themselves? I don't know. But what I do know is that it is one of the most important jobs around. Bringing up children and influencing their thoughts and attitudes is vital to our world. I don't regret for a minute the decisions that we made as a couple about the way we wanted our family to work. I do wish I had valued myself and the work I did more. But comments like 'I would get bored being at home all day' and 'you are just looking after children' didn't help my self esteem! I enjoyed being a mum, being at home with my children and looking after them.

Now I work in an office. I love my job. It isn't particularly demanding of my brain, but that's OK. I aim to do whatever I am involved in to the best of my ability. And I enjoy being able to go out without trailing children along, to decide to go for a meal and talk to Gordon without constant interruptions to take children to the toilet or having to leave as soon as the meal is finished because they are bored! And to have a rainy September weekend without having to find somewhere to go to entertain them!

Results

My house, like thousands of other across Scotland is waiting with baited breath for the text, email or letter that will determine what happens next in the lives of our teenagers. Yes, tomorrow is exam results day. And for some it will feel like the end of the world if they don't get the results they are hoping for. For others it will be a day of celebration. I remember getting my own results, even though it was 30 years ago. I was happy, I got into the university course I wanted. And as a mother, I have been here twice before, once with a child who didn't get what she needed and thought it was the end of the world. It wasn't, but that doesn't make the moment any less painful. My second time was hard because my son didn't have exactly what he needed, but got into the course anyway. But there were a tense few days until he found out. And now for the final time I wait with a child for the results that will determine whether or not tomorrow is a happy day. She has another year to get qualifications if this year's results aren't what she was hoping for. But it would be nice to have a relaxed 6th year knowing that the academic qualifications are already achieved.

Exam results are not the only thing that determine what kind of life we have. I have experienced the good and the bad, and have enough life experience behind me to know that our lives can take very winding routes to get to where we want them to be. And there are more important things than exams. But I know that tomorrow the results will be the most important thing to people who are getting them. There will be tears of joy and tears of sadness. I just hope that through it all, people will be able to see that there are opportunities for those who will take them. They may not be the ones that we planned, but they may work out better than we hope. I believe in a God who only asks us to trust Him for our future and the future of our children. He will lead us along the path he wants us to take. And following Him is more important than any qualifications we may gain.

So if your results are good, I rejoice with you. if your results are not as good as you hoped, I weep with you, but not the weeping of the hopeless. Rather only tears of disappointment that turn us to God for guidance as to the next step along the path of our life.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

When life is tough

What do you do when life is tough? I have a few friends who are going through really hard things at the moment. It is difficult to know what to say and what to do to help. Maybe that is because there is nothing we can do to help. We can't take away their pain, but we can be there with them through it. Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth and get on with living one step at a time until we make it through the difficult bits. And be thankful that we have a God who is there with us every step of the way.

Reminiscing

Is it the fact that it was my birthday recently, or possibly because Catherine and I watched Grease that started me reminiscing? I was remembering when a new film came out at the cinema and there was one showing in an evening and one screen at the cinema, and you couldn't book tickets in advance. My friends and I queued for ages outside the cinema in Ayr to make sure we got in to see the film. Grease was one of these films! Then I realised that I have never seen Saturday Night Fever, because I was too young to see it when it came out.
Life has changed so much since I was a child (and now I sound old). When I lived in Gloucestershire my friends and I used to take a picnic in the summer holidays and cycle round the country roads for hours. Our parents didn't know where we were from dawn to dusk and didn't worry about us. I know for a fact that I was between the ages of 9 & 12 when this happened because we only lived there for 3 years. I wouldn't let my 12 year old do the same nowadays. We had to go 20 miles to get to the nearest cinema.
And the summers were longer and hotter than they are now! I know that is not generally true, but the drought of 1976 was included in those memories and where I lived we were a few days away from getting standpipes in the street when the rain finally came.
And television didn't start until 3.50pm, and there were only 3 channels! No computers, mobile phones or mp3 players. We used to record the radio onto a cassette so we could listen to our favourite songs again. My brother played Queen and Wings non stop in his bedroom. I still know all the words off by heart.
One day dad came home from work and asked if we fancied moving to Scotland. I had never been further north than Derbyshire and it really felt like a foreign country. Moving to the seaside meant that we had a lot of visitors for the next few summers!
This has been fun. Look out for episode 2 :-)

You can do whatever you want to

Watching Glee (I know, Catherine made me!) last week, I heard one character say to another 'you can do whatever you want to' when talking about what he wanted to do after he left school. it got me thinking. Is that right. Can we all do whatever we want to? No, of course we can't. So many people who apply for university don't get into their first choice of course. In the current economic climate lots of people are unemployed but would love to have a job.

So what do we say to our children about what they want to do in the future. How do we give them aspirations and encourage them to aim high. How do we get them to dream, while realising that they may not be able to 'do whatever they want to'. We need to talk to them about what they are good at, and what they enjoy. We need to encourage them to look at all the options available to them. There are lots of choices available to school leavers today, many more than when I was that age, so there are lots of options. And what they want to do at 16 may not be what they want to do in their 20s, 30s or even later. And the opportunities to study as a mature student mean that it is much easier than it used to be to change career later in life. So decisions make at 16, 17 and 18 don't mean that they have to stay doing something they don't enjoy for life.

I feel extremely thankful that I had the option to study at university, but what I intended to do with my life at 18 didn't happen. That's because I failed a year at university and my career path changed because of it. But looking back I wouldn't change the way things happened. I made choices that meant staying at home when my children were young. That is what I wanted to do, and although it was hard, particularly the feeling that I wasn't valued because I didn't go outside the home to work, and the fact that for many years we were very short of money due to only having one income, I would do the same again. But decisions we make all the way through our lives have an effect on what happens afterwards. Because I was out of the job market for so long, I don't have the experience or relevant qualifications to go very far up the career ladder in my late 40's. So be it. It was worth it for the time I spent with my children. I went to school shows, sports days, trips. I didn't become a high flying business woman. But I couldn't do both, because you can only be in one place at a time. And I think regrets are a waste of time. Yes I enjoy going out to work now, to a job which I enjoy, but isn't particularly high flying. Others would think I have wasted my life, but I have three reasonably well adjusted grown up children.

So if our children can't 'do whatever they want to', they need to know that the world has not ended, even though it feels like it when those exam results come through the door and they aren't what was hoped for. There are options, choices and second chances which may actually work out better than the original plan.

Spring Harvest thoughts 2

Some more thoughts from what I heard at Spring Harvest. I know they are very random, but they are the bits that stuck out to me. And they need to be thought about. Unfortunately I have the cold at the moment and can't think so they will not be thought about until I feel better. And my mind won't think of anything useful so bullet points are all I'm going to do today.

1. Sometimes all we can see is rubble. When we feel like this we need to pray.
2. When we pray we need to be willing to do what God tells us.
3. Don't be discouraged, keep on going. God is there whether we feel Him or not.
4. Jesus says we are amazing just the way we are. Stop trying to be someone else. We need to celebrate the fact that we are all different.
5. Jesus did not say 'come to me and life will be easy'
6. Bring what you have to Jesus and He will do amazing things.

Phone

I have a new phone. Well, it is a couple of weeks old now. I love it. It is big enough to read my digital books on, it is small enough to put in my handbag. It takes pictures and the handwriting recognition is really good.  Admittedly it is bigger than your average phone and looks a bit on the large side when put to my ear, but it makes phone calls. I was becoming overwhelmed with tech, having a laptop, tablet and phone, not to mention a camera that I never use because I never have it when I see something I want to take a picture of. I took my phone to Spring Harvest and that was a good test. In 6 days I used it for phone calls, texts, photos, mapping some walks, taking notes, checking into foursquare, keeping up to date with facebook and twitter, an alarm clock and a radio and mp3 player. I could have written a blog post, but I used the laptop for that. So I am going to sell the old phone and tablet and use my new phone instead. I think it was a good investment, and if other people laugh at me holding it to my ear, that is their problem. I don't care!

Thoughts from Spring Harvest so far

Yesterday I was asked what I had learned at Spring Harvest. I had to say that I hadn't learned anything, but I had been reminded of a lot! I think that by the great age I have reached, one has heard a lot of talks, sermons etc and has learned and forgotten a lot of things. It is good to be reminded. So here are my initial soundbites from Spring Harvest so far (and there are still 48 hours to go). What have I been reminded of?

1. God doesn't ask us to do everything, but he does ask us to do our bit well
2. We need to shine out in the world, but we can only shine with what God gives us. If we don't shine we are contributing to the darkness.
3. Do we measure our success by what God sees as important, or by what other people see? We need to find out what it is that God is asking us to do and then just get on and do it. We shouldn't need the approval of others. We need to find ways to serve in secret.
4. We are a bunch of dry bones who can do nothing on our own, but God can make dry bones live.
5. We need to see what God has done and is doing and not what he hasn't done yet. Live by God's timing, not ours.
6. God did not make himself bigger to impress us, he made himself smaller to get alongside us.
7. Jesus has washed us clean in his death on the cross, so we don't need a bath, but we do need to have our feet washed to get rid of the dirt we pick up on the road.
8. The job of Christian leaders is to help people become all that God created them to be.

I'm sure there will be lots more in the days to come. And I need time to reflect on what has been said and the impact they will have on my life.

I have been very frustrated for the last couple of weeks because I ordered a new phone from a Marketplace seller at Amazon and it didn't come. So I had to claim the money back from Amazon. And I have to wait 2 weeks until they tell me what is happening with my claim. I don't get how difficult it can be. I paid for the phone and it didn't come, so give me my money back! So I have to be patient. I'm not very good at being patient. And my current phone isn't working as a phone. I can text, access the internet, play games and everything else I should be able to do, but I can't make phone calls. Or at least I can make them but the person on the other end of the phone can't hear me.

I was going to get a Samsung Galaxy S2, but I'm reconsidering my decision. I have been looking at the Galaxy Note. It looks great, but I can't decide if it is too big to actually use as a phone. I haven't seen one in the flesh yet. Think I will have to go and look at one to see what I think of it.

Anyone who has used a Note, please let me know what you think of it.

We were reading in church this morning from Colossians 3, particularly the passage that says
'Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.'
So we need to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. And put on love.That is great to read, sounds good until you start to actually think about what it means practically. How does it impact on my daily life. What would the world look like if we all lived like this, thinking about the effect that our actions have on other people. What does it mean to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and peaceful? I don't think anyone who was listening to the message this morning could go away without thinking that there was something that they needed to change in the way they live or relate to people. Probably there were as many different reactions as there were people present. What did I learn? That I am rubbish at humility. Am I willing to accept being thought badly of for the sake of Jesus. Do I worry when people misunderstand my motives? Do I want to justify why I have done things so that people understand and think I'm a nice person. What I need to learn is that the only one who needs to know my motivations is the one who already knows them. I don't need to justify myself to people if I am doing the right thing, whether they know it or not.And I probably need to work on the other parts of the passage too!

Reflections

I don’t do new year resolutions. If I did I would just break them anyway! But that doesn’t mean that I don’t reflect. Think about the year that is past and what I will do for the year that is ahead. Some years are exciting to look forward to. 2009 was like that. Fiona was turning 21 and getting married and that took up a lot of time and energy. It was great. 2010 was the year I started working outside the house for the first time in 10 years. And 2011 Gordon and I celebrated our silver wedding and had a party. It was fun.  And we went on a cruise for the first (but I hope not the last) time. We had such a good time visiting places we had never seen before. Alistair had his 21^st birthday and Catherine turned 16. We built an extension to the house.So what does 2012 hold? No exciting birthdays. No exciting holidays and no weddings. I’m sure things will happen as the year goes on, but at the moment I can’t predict what they will be. It will be interesting to look back on this post in a year and see what the year turned out like. But then how boring would life be if we knew what was ahead of us.