You can do whatever you want to

Watching Glee (I know, Catherine made me!) last week, I heard one character say to another 'you can do whatever you want to' when talking about what he wanted to do after he left school. it got me thinking. Is that right. Can we all do whatever we want to? No, of course we can't. So many people who apply for university don't get into their first choice of course. In the current economic climate lots of people are unemployed but would love to have a job.

So what do we say to our children about what they want to do in the future. How do we give them aspirations and encourage them to aim high. How do we get them to dream, while realising that they may not be able to 'do whatever they want to'. We need to talk to them about what they are good at, and what they enjoy. We need to encourage them to look at all the options available to them. There are lots of choices available to school leavers today, many more than when I was that age, so there are lots of options. And what they want to do at 16 may not be what they want to do in their 20s, 30s or even later. And the opportunities to study as a mature student mean that it is much easier than it used to be to change career later in life. So decisions make at 16, 17 and 18 don't mean that they have to stay doing something they don't enjoy for life.

I feel extremely thankful that I had the option to study at university, but what I intended to do with my life at 18 didn't happen. That's because I failed a year at university and my career path changed because of it. But looking back I wouldn't change the way things happened. I made choices that meant staying at home when my children were young. That is what I wanted to do, and although it was hard, particularly the feeling that I wasn't valued because I didn't go outside the home to work, and the fact that for many years we were very short of money due to only having one income, I would do the same again. But decisions we make all the way through our lives have an effect on what happens afterwards. Because I was out of the job market for so long, I don't have the experience or relevant qualifications to go very far up the career ladder in my late 40's. So be it. It was worth it for the time I spent with my children. I went to school shows, sports days, trips. I didn't become a high flying business woman. But I couldn't do both, because you can only be in one place at a time. And I think regrets are a waste of time. Yes I enjoy going out to work now, to a job which I enjoy, but isn't particularly high flying. Others would think I have wasted my life, but I have three reasonably well adjusted grown up children.

So if our children can't 'do whatever they want to', they need to know that the world has not ended, even though it feels like it when those exam results come through the door and they aren't what was hoped for. There are options, choices and second chances which may actually work out better than the original plan.